U.S. — With the presidential election less than two weeks away, top Democrats warned the American people that it could be some time before we know who the winner is because it may take at least four years to count all of the ballots.
Though other, far less-developed countries have been able to count all ballots by hand in much shorter periods of time, Democrats stressed the very real likelihood that counting all the ballots in swing states would probably last until the 2028 presidential election.
“You just can’t rush this type of thing,” said Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer. “We’re talking about a very complicated process of counting. It starts with 1, proceeds on to 2, then 3, and so on. These numbers get very large. When you run out of fingers and toes, it gets even more confusing. Plus, you have to account for the fact that we’ll need to wait and find out how many votes we need to come up with. I’m afraid we won’t know who the winner of the presidential election is until everyone starts voting to elect the following president.”
Political experts agreed that the chances of knowing who won on election night were slim. “You can’t expect counting to happen quickly like it’s something people have been doing since they were babies,” said one analyst. “Asking the most advanced country in the world to be able to count ballots in less than four years is unreasonable.”
At publishing time, election officials in swing states assured the public that everyone would almost certainly know the results of the presidential race by the time George R.R. Martin publishes The Winds of Winter.
A Babylon Bee subscriber contributed to this report. If you want to pitch your own headline ideas to our staff, click here to check out all of our membership options!
BIG NEWS: We made a movie, and you can watch the trailer NOW:
Click here to find out how you can watch the movie when it releases on October 11
