CINCINATTI, OH — After contemplating her options, local wife Marie Raynard finally selected a restaurant to eat at, but sadly she had taken so long to decide the heat death of the universe had already happened.
“Phew, Finally,” said her husband Jacob as Marie selected a nearby Italian restaurant. “That sounds — WAIT A MINUTE, IT’S THE HEAT DEATH OF THE UNIVERSE !!!”
External sources have just confirmed that the couple will, in fact, not be able to go on their long-awaited dinner date, as the heat death of the universe destroyed all organic matter, including restaurants. “It’s a real shame,” said a heavenly being. “That was almost one small step for Marie, but one giant leap for womankind. Too bad Jacob won’t ever get his date.”
Sadly, no one else had any remarks on Marie’s lengthy decision because everyone was dead from the heat death of the universe.
At publishing time, Marie had asked if someone could please turn up the heat death of the universe a few degrees, as she was freezing.
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