U.S. — All staff members at the Federal Bureau of Investigation were granted a special “Grieving Day” on Friday so they could take time off to be with their families and mourn the results of the 2024 presidential election.
FBI Director Christopher Wray made the surprise announcement that agents and other staff nationwide would get a three-day weekend after he failed to come in to work himself.
“How could anyone be expected to work during such a tragic time?” Wray said. “This is not a time to vigilantly uphold the law and protect Americans from criminal activity. This is a time for mourning. We’re all going to be out of a job soon anyway. I’m just coasting at this point.”
Even agents currently in the middle of undercover drug operations were reportedly given leave for the day, potentially ruining cases that had been worked on for years.
Agents responded well to the surprise day off, with many taking the opportunity to stay home and cry because they “can’t even.” Some, however, were more optimistic. “There’s more to life than spying on American citizens,” mused Special Agent Richter Bells. “And thanks to all my time spying on citizens, I know all the best vacation spots. This weekend is going to be lit.”
At publishing time, FBI officials advised all staff to wear their government-issued federal agent sunglasses while in public to hide their tears.
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