U.S. — In its ongoing effort to make watching football as difficult as possible, the National Football League announced today that each quarter of the playoff games will be exclusively streamed on a different streaming network.
For today’s game between New England and Los Angeles, the first quarter will be on Hulu, the second on NFL Network, the third on Amazon Prime, and the fourth on Al-Jazeera Plus.
“We are striving, as always, to give our viewers the worst experience imaginable,” announced NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell. “Fans who want to watch the entirety of a single game will need at least four separate streaming subscriptions. Attempting to watch your favorite team should be expensive, cumbersome, and generally frustrating. We also plan to change, without warning, which quarters of which games are streaming on which services. It should be absolutely maddening for the fans.”
With each game featuring a different combination of streaming services, those wishing to watch every NFL playoff game will need 17 different streaming services at a cost of $1,350 per month. “Remember the dark ages when people watched all the games on cable?” chuckled NFL executive Steve Garner. “We’ve come a long way since then. Ope, first quarter is over. Better go hunt down TV remote number six.”
At publishing time, the NFL had reportedly contacted Major League Baseball for advice on how to make television blackout rules as horrible as possible.
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