NORTH POLE — A somber mood reportedly spread quickly among the workforce at Santa’s workshop this week, as 75% of the elves on staff were laid off after Elon Musk visited the North Pole.
The SpaceX and Tesla founder had been invited to the workshop by Santa Claus himself as part of an initiative to streamline the toy-making process and make the workshop operation more efficient, which eventually resulted in massive layoffs.
“His first suggestion was to just clean house,” said Greg, an elf who was laid off after 30 years in the workshop. “You should have seen him strutting in here with his leather jacket and black ‘MAGA’ baseball cap like he owned the joint. Of course, come to find out, he bought the workshop from Santa last week, so he literally does own the joint. Still, it’s rough to pour so much of your life into working at a job for so long just to have it disappear so quickly. Then again, my entire job consisted of watching action figures move along the conveyor belt to make sure each one had a laser gun included. In hindsight, it’s crazy they kept me on for so long.”
When asked about the personnel shakeup at the workshop, Musk was matter-of-fact. “Bloat is the enemy of efficiency,” he said. “Santa can’t continue to stay in business while being crushed under so much overhead. We’ll be producing double the amount of toys with only 25% of the staff. It’s simple math.”
At publishing time, Musk was reportedly set to lay off all of the reindeer due to providing Santa with a new electric Tesla sleigh.
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