WASHINGTON, D.C. — According to sources, several Representatives in the nation’s capital are feeling frustrated that their spending bill has been killed by the people they were elected to represent.
“It’s not supposed to work like this,” sighed House Speaker Mike Johnson. “Since when do all these people we represent have the idea we’re supposed to represent them? Are they children? Don’t they know they’re supposed to simply show up every few years to vote for us out of the kindness of their hearts? They’re making my job impossible here!”
Representative Dan Crenshaw, who was elected to represent the people of Texas District 2, echoed the speaker’s frustrations. “%#*& @#!%$ #@*^&,” he said to reporters who asked him about the situation. “#$%@*&^ #$%^!”
Crenshaw then walked face-first into a marble column due to not seeing it due to only having one eye like a pirate.
Other members of Congress are reportedly reeling from the blow by their constituents and are not sure what to do next. “Like, what are we supposed to be doing here, anyway?” said Congresswoman AOC. “Our job is to raise money and get reelected, and representing the people we represent is an unwelcome distraction.”
“Representation matters, but not that kind of representation,” she continued.
At publishing time, representatives had reportedly begun work on another bill for the people they represented to kill.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he’s hanging up the hat for good.
