BETHLEHEM — With a long but eventful evening near its end, witnesses said the young Jewish girl Mary bit her tongue, smiled politely, and sighed patiently as the three visiting wise men from the East finished their presentation for the newborn Christ child with an a capella rendition of “Mary Did You Know?”
Sources close to the exhausted couple spending the night in the stable said the young mother had shown great tolerance in putting up with the chaos of the day that culminated in the birth of her child in an animal pen but showed signs of weariness by the time the Magi began to sing a song that had become a source of irritation for her.
“She looked like she was getting tired of hearing that song,” one witness. “There had already been shepherds who waltzed in out of nowhere asking to see the baby. By the time these three fancily dressed guys on camels showed up, Mary and her husband were ready for the night to be done. As soon as they started singing ‘Mary Did You Know?’ I could see she was struggling to be patient.”
When reached for comment after the wise men finished their song and left, Mary explained her frustration. “Yes, I knew. Ok? For everyone else out there — YES, I KNEW,’ she said. “Look, I know the baby is drawing a lot of attention, and rightfully so, but if I have to hear that song one more time, I might lose it. I knew, guys. I knew.”
At publishing time, Mary had once again been forced to correct a group of singers and tell them the lyrics of “Silent Night” do not refer to her as a “round, young virgin.”
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he’s hanging up the hat for good.
