WASHINGTON, D.C. — Congressional work has come to a complete standstill after the Department of Government Efficiency fired the only employee in the federal government who can unlock the Capitol building.
For decades, Congress has waited for designated door unlocker Gill Monahan to arrive each morning to unlock the Capitol building so everyone can go inside.
“Boy, do we feel foolish,” said Elon Musk as hundreds of Congressmen grumbled outside the Capitol. “I just assumed one of the other three million employees in the federal government could unlock the Capitol. Golly, do I have egg on my face.”
Pundits mocked the ridiculous error by DOGE, condemning the team for failing to check that someone else had a key to the Capitol. “Haha Elon is so dumb,” said MSNBC anchor Joe Scarborough. “He thought employing a guy whose only job was to unlock the Capitol door was inefficient. Now, here we are with a Capitol no one can get into and there is literally no locksmith in the nation who can make a key. Way to go, Elon!”
At publishing time, DOGE had once again screwed the pooch after firing the only guy in the government who knew how to open a PDF.
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