DALLAS, TX — The age-old tradition of people spending their free time engaging in activities that are far less relaxing than their work and responsibilities was carried on this week, as a man with a very stressful life decided to unwind by watching a very stressful basketball game.
Daniel Barnes came home after a particularly stressful day of work and completed a tense discussion with his wife about the state of the family’s finances but couldn’t wait to finish dinner and get the kids to bed so he could finally loosen up and make himself more upset by sitting down to watch an infuriating Mavericks game.
“Now I get to sit back and shave a few years off my life,” Barnes said as he descended into indescribable frustration and intermittent shouting at the television. “Today was just… ugh. Rough. It’s always nice to get through the stress of the day and reach entirely new levels of stress by becoming enraged at my favorite basketball team. OH, COME ON!”
When reached for comment, Barnes’s doctor confirmed that his avid watching of basketball had impacted his health and ability to enjoy life. “By every measurable metric, this basketball team is killing him,” said Dr. Bradford Higgins. “As stressful as the rest of his life is with the responsibilities he carries as a husband, father, and employee, watching basketball causes him much more distress.”
At publishing time, Barnes expressed hopefulness that he would be able to watch all of the Mavericks’ playoff games during the postseason without dying.
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