HOLLYWOOD, CA — For the tenth year in a row, a movie you’ve never heard of won the award for Best Picture at the Academy Awards.
“We decided about a decade ago to start giving out the top prize to movies no one has ever heard of as some sort of plan to encourage filmmakers to make movies that even more inaccessible and obscure and confusing and artsy than say, a big blockbuster film everyone likes,” Academy Representative Peter Hansen said. “This year’s winner might be our most unheard-of film yet!”
The movie you’ve never heard of won a host of other awards, including “Best Actress you’ve never heard of,” and “Best Director who looks like he just stumbled out of bed after finishing up an all-nighter working on his college-level film project.”
“It would have made sense to have Wicked win Best Picture; at least people have heard of that one, and it was in theaters somewhere,” Hansen said. “But giving the Best Picture Oscar to a movie that people have heard of that was in theaters isn’t what we do anymore. We celebrate little-known films no one really wants to watch. Bonus points if the film has some gay stuff in it!”
At publishing time, not a single person could remember what movie won Best Picture at this year’s Oscars, and there wasn’t even an on-stage slap or a wardrobe malfunction, leading to the lowest rated award show in history.
An elite force from DOGE uncovers the most absurd waste of taxpayer dollars.
