In a long-anticipated move, the U.S. government finally released a trove of previously classified files about UFOs and the search for extraterrestrial life.
Here are the ten most shocking revelations from the now-public files:
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The government’s cameras really suck: The resolution on these pics is just awful.
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There are lots of little black smudges out there in the sky: Or they could just be on the lenses of those terrible cameras.
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All the space aliens we have talked to are actually Christian: Oh, sweet.
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Elon Musk isn’t actually an alien: Didn’t see that coming.
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Kids have been mostly unsuccessful trying to flee with an alien in a bicycle basket: Mostly.
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Tucker Carlson’s demon was actually an alien named Charles who just likes playing elaborate pranks: Knock it off, Charles.
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The aliens currently residing on Earth all work at Starbucks: Okay, this one we already knew.
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Will Smith was actually a DEI hire for the Men In Black: That figures.
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Earth was just gerrymandered in Voting District 4 of the Milky Way: Even the aliens are doing it.
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The government has been hoarding a massive amount of pictures that don’t have aliens in them: We’re not really clear why.
What a remarkable collection of information tucked away in the UFO files. What else have you seen? Post your discoveries in the comments.
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