U.S. — The least popular sport in the world is hosting a tiny little tournament for the few people who care.
Virtually unknown outside of a few areas in the developing world, the sport goes by various names, including “footy” and “adult kick-ball.” Enthusiasts said the dozen or so people who play the sport put together an adorable, quaint event to try to gain a bit of relevance.
“Aw, that’s cute,” said local man Kevin Lamb, reading about the small gathering. “I think it’s nice that cities are opening their Little League fields for them to use for their rinky-dink tournament for… what sport is it again?”
According to witnesses, the obscure game involves adults aimlessly kicking a ball back and forth to each other for 90 minutes, after which everyone shakes hands and then claps in the air. During this time, men will intermittently fall down for no apparent reason, then roll around crying for several minutes. A referee blows the whistle at various intervals, and then players surround the ref with praying hands while the referee chooses his favorite-colored card and holds it up. Sometimes a winner is declared, and sometimes not, the reasons for which are unclear.
At publishing time, the niche game had hoped to someday earn a television spot in between cornhole highlights and competitive axe throwing.
After a slight mixup, Steve, Timpani, and Britunni end up at the Alamo instead of the Alamo Car Rental. Protestors block their way out and Timpani is going into labor!


