U.S. — The citizens of the United States have overwhelmingly voted to legally adopt the World Cup tourist known only as “Freddy the German.”
Freddy, who has been documenting his road trip across the American South on social media, has garnered tens of millions of views as the nation enjoys watching a good-natured young German experience Buc-ee’s, and the Waffle House for the first time.
“There’s not much we can agree on these days. But we can all agree on Freddy,” said local man Mark Kensington. “Because of Freddy, we are all getting to experience anew the awesomeness of America – the real America, outside the cities. We can see with fresh eyes the lovable absurdity of a Bass Pro Shops, or the fact that we like to fly our fighter jets over football stadiums. We’re all in for Freddy.”
With 99.9% of votes in favor, the adoption of Freddy has secured more bipartisan support than any other ballot measure in modern American history. “No one knows who Freddy is or what he looks like, but he’s one of us now,” said local woman Gina Harrison. “We’re already looking into voting on a Constitutional amendment so Freddy can run for President. Freddy 2028!”
At publishing time, America had voted to also adopt that Scottish tourist guy named Shaun.
After a slight mixup, Steve, Timpani, and Britunni end up at the Alamo instead of the Alamo Car Rental. Protestors block their way out and Timpani is going into labor!
