U.S. — According to sources, European tourists visiting the United States for the World Cup became mesmerized and bowed in worship to the golden statue of Bucc-ee Beaver.
Bucc-ee’s, a popular gas station chain based primarily in the American South, features a friendly beaver mascot that reportedly caused hundreds of Europeans to fall into a trance and pledge their lives to it.
Witnesses at multiple Bucc-ee’s locations reported seeing large groups of European visitors prostrate themselves before golden images of Bucc-ee Beaver and chant in strange tongues.
“I don’t know. It was German or Swedish or something,” said one concerned onlooker. “I guess they really like the Beaver Nuggets.”
A Bucc-ee’s spokesman said, “We are grateful to our European friends for their interest in Bucc-ee Beaver, but kindly ask that they please stop worshipping him.”
Although Bucc-ee worship is fairly benign in nature, sources said there remained great concern among local communities that it would quickly turn into a progressive form of Islam in which Bucc-ee Beaver is held up as a silent prophet who will impose strict judgment on infidels.
The FBI reportedly designated European worship of Bucc-ee a cult and had begun investigating the practice as potential religious extremism.
At publishing time, Texas locations had dispersed Bucc-ee’s cultists by firing their guns wildly into the air.
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