NEW YORK, NY — As part of his campaign platform in his attempt to become the next mayor of New York City, Zohran Mamdani pledged that he would build a wall separating East New York from West New York.
Promising to turn the Big Apple into a shining example of a communist utopia, Mamdani unveiled the ambitious plan to physically separate the city’s left-wing populace from the remaining capitalists, Christians, and conservatives.
“This is our chance to create our ideal New York City,” Mamdani said. “It’s long past time to place a physical barrier to delineate our community collective from the capitalist fat cats and radical right-wing extremists who still subscribe to this bizarre, out-of-date ideal of American freedom. We’re going to build a wall to create East New York from West New York. East New York will be the city everyone dreams of living in. Everyone will love it, and they’ll be shot on sight if they attempt to leave.”
Mamdani’s plan was met with praise from the Chinese Communist Party. “This is the type of political evolution we want to see in the United States,” said one chinaman with the CCP. “Mr. Mamdani is setting a great example of what society should be like. He has the full support and endorsement of the Chinese government. And, of course, our behind-the-scenes funding and operations.”
At publishing time, Mamdani had also expanded his mayoral campaign platform to include a bold new promise to have breadlines available on every street corner of East New York.
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