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There are touchdown celebrations designed to intimidate opponents, ignite crowds and announce to the world that the man holding the football is the coolest person in the stadium.
Then there is Kirk Cousins paying tribute to soft-tissue maintenance.
Naturally.
The Raiders quarterback might be the only player in the NFL who could turn a touchdown celebration into an employee appreciation ceremony for the training staff. And somehow, make the explanation even funnier than the celebration itself.
That is the sneaky charm of Cousins, whose perceived corniness can obscure a pretty good sense of humor. He seems perfectly comfortable being the dad in the room. Comfortable enough, in fact, to understand there is something legitimately cool about being unapologetically uncool.
Sunday against the Jets, that meant breaking out what he called his “wellness celebration” after a scoring a touchdown on a quarterback sneak.
“We do a lot of tissue work here, and at my age, it’s especially helpful,” Cousins said.
Already, an all-time setup for an explanation of a football celebration.
Cousins explained that the Raiders have invested heavily in the staff members who help players maintain their bodies, providing a level of attention he appreciates after his years in Washington and Minnesota.
“I tell the guys, ‘Look, I’ve played elsewhere. This is a luxury. This is a blessing. We didn’t have this other places,’” Cousins said.
Most players dream of scoring touchdowns and striking a signature pose.
Cousins apparently dreamed of scoring one and recognizing the people responsible for keeping his muscles cooperative.
“I said, someday, if I run for a touchdown, I’m going to give a shoutout to all the staff who work so hard to help us feel good and be one of the healthier teams in the league,” he said.
There was just one problem.
He forgot.
Fortunately, Brock Bowers was prepared to serve as the celebration’s quality-control supervisor.
“I’m jogging off the field and Brock, who doesn’t say much, goes, ‘Hit them with the wellness celebration,’” Cousins said.
Cousins needed clarification.
“I said, ‘What?’ He goes, ‘Hit them with the wellness.’”
That sentence alone deserves a place in Raiders lore.
“So, I stood there, looked right at him and did the elbow,” Cousins said.
A tribute to a treatment technique. An assist from his normally quiet tight end. A quarterback fully committed to the bit.
Cousins might never beat the corny allegations.
But when the punchline is this good, why would he even bother trying to fight them?
