CHICAGO, IL — With a disastrous season nearing its end, Major League Baseball announced that in the interest of fairness, the Chicago White Sox would now be allowed to use a batting tee.
The announcement came following intense discussions among top MLB executives aimed at doing wherever was necessary to attempt to level the playing field and help give the White Sox at least some semblance of a chance to win one more game before the season ends.
“If this doesn’t help them score some runs, we don’t know what will,” said MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred. “We spoke with the other 29 ball clubs and reached an agreement that the White Sox should be allowed to hit from a tee. It’s the least we could do, bless their hearts. If it doesn’t work, we’ll experiment with letting them start each inning with the bases loaded, or maybe each game they can have one player from the opposing team.”
While some members of the White Sox organization were reluctant to accept the accommodation of hitting off of a tee, others were excited by the opportunity. “I’m still pretty dizzy from three of us smashing into each other trying to catch a fly ball,” said third baseman Miguel Vargas. “A tee sounds pretty good right now.”
At publishing time, the Chicago White Sox had doubled their run total by using a tee, losing to the Baltimore Orioles 27-2.
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