PHILADELPHIA, PA — Americans across the country breathed a sigh of relief this morning following breaking news that Vice President Kamala Harris had survived an attempted interview.
The incident took place late yesterday afternoon during a campaign stop in Pennsylvania when a rogue reporter reportedly approached the vice president and fired off several questions before being tackled to the ground and subdued by Secret Service agents. Harris was quickly evacuated from the area and taken to a secure location.
“Thankfully, Vice President Harris is safe and in stable condition,” a campaign spokesperson said. “We all feared the worst when that crazed person emerged from the crowd and attempted to interview the sitting U.S. vice president right there in broad daylight. Someone must be looking out for her, though, because she avoided suffering any damage in the incident.”
The FBI arrived at the scene shortly thereafter and discovered that the would-be interviewer was in possession of several notepads, pens, a cellphone, and a camera authorities believed was intended to capture the event for a livestream or video. “Isn’t that sick?” said a campaign insider. “This nutjob had this all planned out. He was coming out here for the specific purpose of interviewing Kamala Harris — and he was trying to record himself doing it. This is the type of America we can expect under Donald Trump.”
At publishing time, the Secret Service had advised the Harris campaign that it would be best for the Vice President to avoid all public appearances from now through election day.
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