U.S. — With little over a month left before election day, results of a new national survey showed Minnesota Governor Tim Walz polling strongly among men who choose to use the middle urinal in men’s rooms.
The new poll, conducted in the days following Walz’s debate with Senator J.D. Vance, showed a steady increase in support for Walz among guys who are often classified as ambiguous creepy and prone to making other men uncomfortable.
“He’s running away with that demographic,” said Professor Blake Rumsey, a political analyst and lead researcher for the Information Foundation. “We reached out to 5,000 American men who prefer the middle urinals in restrooms and found that they all connected with Governor Walz. They feel he really represents them better than any political candidate in recent history.”
Though Walz has faced criticism from some due to his unique way of waving and tendency to speak with his eyes widened far more than most people, he has held a commanding lead among groups of voters who are often marginalized. “Our data shows that Walz is also absolutely killing it among guys who strike up conversations with other men in the underwear aisle at the store,” Rumsey explained. “It’s an often ignored voting block, but Walz has got it on lockdown for November.”
At publishing time, the same group of researchers announced that Walz was also the unanimous choice for vice president among men who stand around naked in the locker rooms of the health club wanting to chit-chat with other guys.
A Babylon Bee subscriber contributed to this report. If you want to pitch your own headline ideas to our staff, click here to check out all of our membership options!
BIG NEWS: We made a movie, and you can watch the trailer NOW:
Click here to find out how you can watch the movie when it releases on October 11
