The world needs men. Sadly, however, many men are shirking their God-given responsibilities these days to live like little fancy boys.
To guard against this spreading loss of masculinity, The Babylon Bee has compiled the following list of guaranteed ways to lose your “man card.”
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Linger too long on the soccer game while flipping through the channels: If your eyes cause you to sin by watching a gay sport, pluck them out.
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Not really know what a “joist” is: If you don’t know, maybe ask your wife, since she probably wears the pants in your household.
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Go to therapy: Admitting you’re struggling is the first step… to losing all credibility as a man.
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Wear a San Diego Padres City Connect jersey: Even women don’t wear that much pink.
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Using any emoji other than “thumbs up”: All other emojis are for ladies. Are you a lady?
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Use a napkin: You’ve got a perfectly good shirt sleeve right there.
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Moisturize: Soft skin is for babies.
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Ask for help at Home Depot: Jesus, the perfect standard of masculinity, never once asked for help at Home Depot.
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Fold laundry: Just wad them up and throw them somewhere like a real man.
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Sneeze quietly: It’s common knowledge that 190 dB is the minimum acceptable male sneeze volume.
If you’ve done any of the things listed above, it may already be too late for you. What are other ways for someone to lose their man card? Post your ideas in the comments.
Woke Jesus is back with a new collection of socialist teachings for your edification.
