Mark Carney defeated conservative challenger Pierre Poilievre in Canada’s 2025 federal election to become the next Prime Minister of America’s 51st state. What exactly does he have planned for The Great White North?
Nine improvements Carney is bringing to a Canada near you:
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Shorter wait times for assisted suicide: If you need a hip replacement, however, you might have to wait several years.
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All parents will be required to trans their kids: There’s no better way to show solidarity with the trans community.
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The means of maple syrup production will be seized for the proletariat: A classless society can only be established by the equitable redistribution of maple syrup reserves.
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Change national anthem to “The Lumberjack Song” by Monty Python: Much more appropriate for modern Canada.
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Double the size of Canada’s military to 12: It’s important for Canada to be ready in case Trump attacks.
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Establish a war victory monument in case Canada ever wins a war: You never know.
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More unnecessary “u”s will be added to words: In addition to “humour” and “colour,” we’ll also get “elevatour,” “authour,” and “dictatour.”
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Will advance several exciting new hoaxes against the Catholic Church: What fun!
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Will work closely with President Xi to bring Canada under the watchful protection of the glorious People’s Republic of China: Having a big brother is so comforting.
Wow! These are exciting. Maybe Canada is finally back.
This freshman had a bright future ahead of her, but then her parents spent $250K to send her to a public university.
