As Election Day continues to draw nigh, the entire country is waiting for the answer to one simple question: who’s gonna be the next president of the United States?
As experienced political journalists who have never been wrong about anything political in our entire careers, we at the Babylon Bee have taken a little time to show you political mushrooms a few uncontradictable signs that Trump’s going to win easily. Take a look!
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Trump’s face appeared in the supermoon: At least that’s what we heard. We were sleeping.
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A poll of guys wearing camo named ‘Bubba’ showed Trump winning with 100% of vote: It’s basically over!
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He’s not Kamala Harris: It’s foolproof.
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Third time’s a charm: There’s no way it fails this time.
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Obama was seen in Caesar’s Palace placing $100 on a Trump victory: When even degenerates like Obama are putting their money on it, you’d better believe it.
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If you read the second letter of every third word in Philippians 2, Paul clearly says “Trump’s got this one”: We’re paraphrasing, but that’s pretty much what it says.
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Trump invoked the power of Michael the archangel on Truth Social: Why didn’t he just do this in 2020?
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That’s what some Ohio Haitian voodoo priest saw in a vision when he ate a goose spleen: Incontrovertible evidence right there.
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This bakery selling Trump and Kamala cookies sold 97 Trump cookies and 43 Kamala cookies: This clearly means that Trump will garner 97% of the vote, while Kamala will only get 43 votes.
Well, there you have it. Don’t you feel silly now that you can see how clearly Trump has it in the bag? Now get along with you, you shroom!
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