ORLANDO, FL — After years of being admired for his absolutely shredded physique, local man Chris Kolaski finally revealed that his secret to looking like a Greek god was water aerobics.
Kolaski attributed his 8-pack abs, bulging biceps, and chiseled torso to faithfully attending the 9:30 A.M. water aerobics class at the local community center every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
“Bro, it’s all about that gentle resistance,” explained Kolaski. “Forget the deadlifts and protein shakes. You’ve got to hit those arm circles, bro. You spend eight weeks in the pool with Linda, riding that invisible bike while she reminds you to keep that pool noodle above water — you’ll be so jacked, you won’t even recognize yourself.”
Regular attendees confirmed that Kolaski was one of the class’s most dedicated members.
“He never misses,” said 82-year-old Dorothy McMillan. “Chris is such a sweetie. He always compliments me on my floral swim caps. Sometimes he even stays afterward for coffee and little lemon cookies.”
At publishing time, hundreds of bodybuilders had been seen at the community center trading in their weight stacks for pastel-colored foam dumbbells.
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