Raise your chicken wings and your domestic beers, y’all; a beloved, albeit unofficial, American holiday is upon us.
Super Bowl Sunday arrives February 9, 2025, and this year, the Kansas City Chiefs will go helmet-to-helmet against the Philadelphia Eagles on the neutral turf of Caesars Superdome in the magical mud of New Orleans, La.
The stakes are high, and the bets are big folks as the defending champions and favored team of HRH, Taylor Swift, take on the beloved birds.
If the Chiefs come through and out on top, they will be the first team in history to win three straight Super Bowls.
Meanwhile, if the Eagles emerge victorious, it will be their second Super Bowl win after hoisting the Lombardi in 2018.
In honor of this clash of titans and the glut and glory of American advertising, we bring you a list of the best ways to celebrate Super Bowl Sunday according to your zodiac sign.
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ARIES (March 21 – April 19)
Shout
The Superbowl is a rare and welcome opportunity for members of team Aries to lean full steam and zero shame intro their temper tantrums. Go on and shout obscenities at an inanimate object, and for once in your fire-breathing life, you won’t seem unhinged — just enthusiastic.
TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)
Eat
On average, if Taurus could choose a manner of death, it would be eating buffalo chicken dip to the point of expiration.
Bulls were born to graze baby, so bring on your taco dip, your pigs in a blanket, your potato skins, your mediocre grocery store cheese trays, your heartburn, greasy fingers, swollen ankles, and all other cause and effect of game-day gluttony.
GEMINI (May 21 – June 20)
Scroll
Gemini rules the third house of communication, and natives love to OD on information.
So while they’re watching the game out of the corner of their eye, they’re also catching up on all manner of cellular distraction: trolling for strange, doom scrolling, learning how to exfoliate with kitty litter on TikTok, reading about true crime on Reddit, and/or airing the dirty laundry of a friend in the group chat.
CANCER (June 21 – July 22)
Kitchen prep/clean up
Cancer would be wise to retreat to the safe and relatively serene space of the kitchen and prepare snacks and refresh beverages.
This cardinal water sign tends to be averse to contact sports and is only hosting/attending a Super Bowl party because it was/is important to their significant other.
Love means sacrifice, seven-layer dip, and keeping a different kind of score.
LEO (July 23 – August 22)
Document the party
Leo is about creating, curating, and expertly documenting an outfit and an outing. Like a real-life Broadway musical, lions have the uncanny ability to introduce a dance sequence and photo shoot into a funeral, potluck, full moon ceremony, business mixer, and or Super Bowl party.
Puff your pom poms and ready your camera.
VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)
Correct/comment
Virgo loves to learn and to instruct so suit up for game day by getting down to business and schooling yourself on the ins and outs of rules, loopholes, fouls, and technicalities.
Later, when calls are being made and whistles are being blown you can assume your favored role as the smartest person in the room.
LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)
Face painting
Libra is ruled by Venus, planet of love, art, and aesthetics. As such, natives favor glow-ups over grunting their disapproval in front of a big-screen television.
Lean into your love of beautification by painting the faces and bare beer bellies of your friends and fevered fans.
SCORPIO (October 23 – November 21)
Predict the winner
Scorpio is a fixed water sign that lords over the eighth house of sex, death, and regeneration.
Hyper attune to the moods and motives of others they are preternaturally gifted with intuition and psychic ability.
Natives can monetize that modality by dramatically announcing the winner in an off-putting riddle ahead of the halftime show before disappearing in a poof of smoke and smugness.
SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)
Place bets
Sagittarius is ruled by lucky planet Jupiter, making them the resident gambler of the zodiac.
Roll the dice and place your bets on everything from the victor, total yards to the color of the famed Gatorade bath.
CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)
Judge the commercials
Capricorn is an industrious sign that appreciates gains, strategy, and media manipulation.
Sea goats have a mind for business and understand that the Super Bowl is not about who wins or loses but what brand was most effective in convincing the captive masses to part with their capital.
AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)
Begrudgingly socialize
Aquarius are an extreme lot, so they’re likely to be either super fans or utterly nonplussed participants in the arcane ritual of group sports. Still, the Super Bowl provides the impetus for them to emerge from their isolationist cocoons/bunkers to eat cheese and practice normal socialization.
PISCES (February 19 – March 20)
Get drunk
Pisces are a romantic sort that chooses song over sport and love over violence. They’re also notorious for getting drunk before the second quarter but with Kendrick Lamar taking the stage, they may just make it to halftime without being half in the bag.
Astrology 101: Your guide to the star
- The 12 zodiac signs
- What are the astrology houses
- Here’s what each planet represents
- Sun, moon, and rising signs: Get to know your Big 3
Reda Wigle researches and irreverently reports on planetary configurations and their effect on each zodiac sign. Her horoscopes integrate history, poetry, pop culture, and personal experience. To book a reading, visit her website.
