NEW YORK, NY — Heaven rejoiced today after a Jewish man accepted Jesus and converted to Christianity. Sources confirmed that the man was converted thanks to the powerful witness of an X user who proclaimed, “Christ is King, you filthy money-grubbin’ Jew.”
The man reported feeling compelled to submit to Christ after witnessing such a powerful display of Christ’s love.
“As soon as I read those words, the scales fell from my eyes, and I saw the light,” said Benjamin Bernstein, a banker and part-time bagel salesman in Manhattan. “Thanks to the beautiful, spirit-filled witness of @Based_Hitler_88, I now believe in Yeshua as my Savior and Messiah! Hallelujah!”
Bernstein claimed he had long been curious about Christianity and had begun reading the New Testament after being inspired by @BasedTradCrusader69’s proclamation that “Christ-killing Jews are the literal spawn of Satan.”
“No one shows Christ’s love quite like a Christian who spends 12 hours per day on the internet,” said Bernstein. “For months, I have been witnessed to by a community of online Christians who exude the fruits of the Spirit. It’s powerful evidence for the divinity of Yeshua.”
At publishing time, Bernstein’s Christian conversion was called into question after several social media users found out he was still a Zionist.
Do you think you can guess which one is the terrorist?
