JERUSALEM — King Solomon (O king, live forever!) has found himself in the proverbial doghouse after forgetting 9 of his 700 wedding anniversaries.
Adara, Deborah, Elisheva, Liora, Naamah, Nehiya, Orly, Rivka, and even Tiffany have not spoken with him for days, forcing him to find solace with his other wives and concubines.
“This is exactly why I started taking concubines,” King Solomon (O king, live forever!) said while hiding out in his man cave. “I haven’t been in this much trouble since I wrote Proverbs 31 and asked them all to read it.”
According to sources, the scorned wives “simply cannot believe” the king forgot they were all wed on the fifteenth day of Iyar, albeit in different years.
“If he wants me to cook for him he’d better ask his other wives,” said Naamah the Ammonitess. “I can’t even stand to look at him right now.”
The wives claim to have put up with much of the king’s antics, even agreeing to go on nonuple anniversary dates together out of respect for Solomon’s time. But, they say, he has gone too far.
“It’s hard enough to feel romantic going on a date with eight other women, but for him to not even remember?” an emotional Elisheva told reporters with The Olive Press, Jerusalem’s leading tabloid. “He’s the wisest man on earth and can’t keep a calendar?!”
At publishing time, King Solomon (O king, live forever!) made matters worse when he told his wives to “chill out” because anniversaries are “vanity.”
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