U.S. — Toy giant Mattel unveiled its first-ever “Hanukkah Barbie” this week, confirming today that each doll will come complete with its own Jewish Space Laser.
The new Barbie, featuring a notably larger nose, comes with a menorah-themed sweater as well as a fully functional miniaturized space laser.
“For all the little girls out there with some hutzpah, there’s Hannukah Barbie!” said Mattel CEO Elizabeth Gaines. “Push a button on the back, and hear Barbie sing ‘Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel.’ Oh, wow, is it Hannukah Barbie’s Sweet 16? With detachable noses, you can get her a nose job. Girls will love fixing up a kosher meal for Ken, then vaporizing all of their enemies. Controlling the space laser is so fun, even Gentile girls won’t be able to resist.”
Hannukah Barbie will reportedly have a small control panel in her purse, which she can use to control the space laser. “The laser has three settings, depending on how bad Barbie’s interfaith potluck is going,” explained a Mattel spokesman. “Much like the real space laser, it’s got a lot more power than you think. Every purchase requires the signing of a waiver, stating Mattel is not responsible for any California wildfires that may be started with Barbie’s space laser.”
The Netherlands had already issued a total ban on the new Hannukah Barbie, as well as Hannukah itself.
At publishing time, Mattel had also announced that Barbie’s Jewish weather-control machine would be sold separately.
Senator Mitch McConnell isn’t doing too many interviews these days, but The Babylon Bee’s Travis got the opportunity to sit down with the man, the myth, and the legend himself.
