HOUSTON, TX — As the world still celebrated the astonishing accomplishment of SpaceX catching its returning Starship, NASA officials were baffled at how Elon Musk managed to succeed without as many gay non-binary Muslim dwarfs of color as they have.
SpaceX’s historic achievement occurred despite not making diversity and inclusion its top priority, leaving NASA in awe that such a feat could be pulled off without the mandated involvement of underrepresented people groups.
“Not a single transgender dwarf of color on the team! How does this guy do it?” one high-ranking NASA official marveled. “We devote all of our time and spend billions upon billions of dollars to put together the most intersectional and diverse team, but we can’t even come close to the stuff Musk is pulling off at SpaceX. They caught a rocket, for crying out loud! And they didn’t have any non-binary Hindu furries working on the project! How is that possible?”
Decision-makers at NASA reportedly held emergency closed-door meetings this week to discuss the widening gap between their work and the things being done at SpaceX. “It doesn’t matter what we do, he just keeps pulling further ahead,” a NASA insider said. “We’re going to keep trying to incorporate more diversity, equity, and inclusion to everything we do, but it’s like this guy has cracked some code where he just puts the most brilliant and qualified minds to work on his projects. That sounds crazy, but I guess it’s working out for them.”
At publishing time, NASA sources still expressed skepticism that Musk would be able to successfully land a human being on Mars without the help of any gender-fluid atheist amputees of mixed racial descent.
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