MESOPOTAMIA — Having sown his proverbial wild oats, Noah decided that, having turned 500 years old, it was finally time to settle down and start having kids.
The half-millennium mark struck Noah as the ideal time to put his youthful ways behind him and turn his attention to raising a family. Though Noah had briefly considered starting a family after turning 400, the timing still did not feel quite right.
“I was still figuring out who I was. I wasn’t mature enough at 400 to take on that kind of responsibility,” Noah admitted. “But things started to change. I began thinking about the future, and I wanted to be able to toss a ball around one day with my sons. I didn’t want to be one of those dads who was already 900 by the time his kid finishes school.”
Noah said he had resisted pressure to settle down for centuries, even as friends his age began showing him pictures of their great-great-great-great-great-grandchildren.
“I started to think Noah would never settle down,” said his friend, Mahalamesh. “I guess he just hadn’t met the right woman yet. Sometimes you’ve got to wait 10, 20, or even 400 years for the right one to come along.”
At publishing time, Noah had begun showing signs of a midlife crisis by telling his wife he was thinking about getting a boat.
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