SEOUL — South Korea is now in the throes of a political crisis following an emergency declaration of martial law by President Yoon Suk Yeol in response to what he calls a totalitarian threat to democracy. South Koreans have resolved to protest what they view as an egregious overreach of government authority just as soon as they finish at least one more game of StarCraft.
“Martial law? That’s outrageous! This cannot stand — oop, hold on. Here comes the Zerg rush,” said Ahn Cheol-soo, a former presidential candidate. “Ugh, I need more supply depots! Stupid Terrans!”
Lee Jae-myung, leader of the Democratic Party in South Korea has called for a coup on President Yoon, proclaiming he is no longer fit to serve the people of South Korea. “In fact, I will introduce legislation to impeach him just as soon as I finish this comp stomp on Big Game Hunters. My life for Aiur!”
In addition to prominent politicians, civilians have expressed displeasure at the recent declaration of martial law, vowing to take to the streets in protest after one more StarCraft match. “President Yoon is being a real Sarah Kerrigan,” said Sung-hoon, ranked silver in Blizzard’s Battle.net rankings. “He’s supposed to fight for freedom but has given himself over to the Zerg hivemind to become the very thing he hates.”
At publishing time, parliament voted to end martial law and encouraged President Yoon and opposition leader Lee Jae-myung to resolve their differences in a game of StarCraft that is 1v1, Zerg vs. Zerg, speedlings only, no burrowing, on a mirrored map. The winner takes South Korea.
There’s lots to be thankful for, libs!
