America’s 38th state is often assumed to be just one giant mountain, but it’s so much more! For example, the state bird is a lark bunting. Bet you didn’t know that.
Here are ten incredible reasons to move to Colorado today:
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The unique combination of fresh mountain air and marijuana smoke: Truly breathtaking.
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Cultural experience of Venezuelan gangs right from your own apartment complex: Very enriching.
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Top of the line healing crystals and chakra adjusters: Not applicable to Christians.
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Rumor going around that some day it will get a professional baseball team: That would be really cool.
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You get to dress like you’re going on a hike, even if you never go on hikes: Fun!
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It’s not South Dakota: Awesome.
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Opening a bakery as a Christian is a cheap and convenient way to get sent to prison: Bake that cake!
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All the fresh Rocky Mountain Oysters you can eat: UPDATE — DO NOT EAT THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN OYSTERS WE REPEAT DO NOT EAT!
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John Denver wrote a really nice song about it: Also applies to West Virginia.
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Skiing offers a wide new range of exciting ways to die: Hooray!
Colorado is truly a remarkable place. If you haven’t been to Colorado, then have you ever truly lived? Don’t even think about it, just relocate your whole family and start a new life as a hipster in the centennial state.
The Babylon Bee finally exposes everything about the Jews in this documentary of hard-hitting investigative journalism.
