PALM BEACH, FL — In his most impactful promise yet in the lead-up to being inaugurated in January, President-elect Donald Trump announced an ambitious plan to annex the nation of Canada and rename it “Gay North Dakota.”
Following a meeting with Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau at Mar-a-Lago, Trump worked with his inner circle to devise the plan to have the U.S. absorb Canada as the 51st state of the union while changing its name to something that better describes its people and culture.
“It’ll be a wonderful addition to our country, Gay North Dakota,” Trump told reporters when revealing the plan. “It’s large. Very large. A lot of trees and moose there, they tell me. We knew we would need to give it another name so everyone would know it’s part of the United States. We thought about ‘Gay California,’ but Canada is too cold and California is already Gay California. So we picked ‘Gay North Dakota.’ It’s just like North Dakota, only much larger and very, very gay. We’re going to love our new state, aren’t we, folks?”
Though the monumental change took Canadians by surprise, experts predicted they would be far too polite to raise any opposition to the idea. “They’ll go along with it,” said one Trump transition team insider. “We’re offering them the opportunity to finally become Americans, which is what they have always wanted. They’ll be nice about it, because they’re Canadians. Sorry, I mean Gay North Dakotans.”
At publishing time, rumors persisted that Trump would also name Justin Trudeau the first female governor of Gay North Dakota.
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