OVERLAND PARK, KS — A local woman reveled in her secret exercise of freedom today and breathed a sigh of relief after voting for Donald Trump in the privacy of her voting booth away from the watchful eye of her creepy feminist husband.
The woman, who asked to remain anonymous to avoid drawing the ire of her stay-at-home husband, said she felt a sense of pride and duty as she cast her vote for Trump, something her husband would never approve of if he knew.
“I just have to follow my conscience, even if it goes against my husband,” she said. “He tries to pressure me to vote a certain way… but I’m in favor of lower taxes, cheaper groceries, a stronger economy, secure borders, and peace around the world. No amount of pouting and weak sobbing from my soy-boy husband is going to change that. Make America great again, baby.”
The couple reportedly arrived at their designated polling location for early voting this morning, where the woman’s husband excitedly and vocally cast his vote for Kamala Harris while singing show tunes and prancing around, according to witnesses, “like a real fancy boy.” He then told other people in line that they should also vote for Harris as well.
“Honey, think of your abortion rights!” cried the pale little man. “If Trump wins, we won’t be able to kill our children and then we won’t be able to afford bubble tea!”
“He’s all about women’s rights, but he’s pretty creepy about it,” his wife said. “It’s ok, if Trump wins, he’ll just curl up under a sherpa blanket in the bedroom and binge-watch Dateline for a few weeks. Honestly, he’s not really masculine enough to hurt anyone.”
At publishing time, the woman had reportedly calmed her husband down for the rest of the day by promising to buy him a new Stanley tumbler.
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