In addition to ordering a comprehensive review of the Smithsonian museums to root out “wokeness,” President Donald Trump has reportedly provided the institutions with a list of new items to display instead.
The Babylon Bee has obtained an exclusive copy of the list of artifacts Trump wants preserved and displayed for their historical significance:
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The gold Trump statue from CPAC 2021: Every bit as culturally significant as a giant Olmec head.
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A rare laserdisc copy of Home Alone 2: Lost in New York: Featuring an extended, director’s cut version of Trump’s cameo.
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A display of the Obama years titled “The Dark Ages”: To show how far America has come since its time under Communist rule.
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The bullet that pierced his ear: A sacred relic that promises to attract many pilgrims.
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A bottle of Crystal Pepsi: A relic of a long-forgotten, ancient time.
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A perfectly preserved extinct straight white male: Many years ago, America used to be filled with them.
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A Rubik’s Cube he was never able to solve: Trump has described it as “Unsolveable. No one can do it. People think they can, but they can’t. It’s tremendous.”
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A pair of Sydney Sweeney’s American Eagle jeans: They’re great.
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A “Haters & Losers” exhibit: Designed to constantly be expanded.
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A wall dedicated to his many tweets: The highlight of which is a large printout of the infamous “covefe” tweet.
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Joe Biden: A great way to spend his twilight years. Word has it he comes to life at night when the museum closes.
A new Smithsonian for America’s New Golden Age. What else should be included? Post your suggestions in the comments below.
Woke Jesus is back with a new collection of socialist teachings for your edification.
