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Kids these days. They’re pushovers. Back in the old days, every kid knew how to work, fight, and smoke tobacco. How can parents today recapture that toughness for their kids?
The Babylon Bee has come up with the following list of helpful ways to toughen up your wimpy kids:
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Throw him in the gorilla cage at the zoo: And don’t let them shoot Harambe this time.
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Send him to VBS: Nothing tests a child like a week of hard time served at Vacation Bible School.
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Have him play Battletoads on NES: This will either toughen him up or completely crush his spirit for the rest of his life.
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Drop him off in the middle of Chicago with only a compass to find his way back: If he makes it home, he’ll be a new person.
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Give him a coat of many colors so that his resentful brothers sell him into slavery: Works every time.
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Tell him to go ask Chappell Roan for her autograph: But you might want to give him a helmet first.
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Make sure his entire wardrobe consists of Christian T-shirts with Bible verse puns on them: After the first few beatings from other kids, he’ll learn what it means to be a man.
Follow the tips above, and your kid will be tough as nails in no time. Do you have your own methods for toughening up a wimpy kid? Stop being a wuss and post them in the comments.
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