LONDON — As the United Kingdom’s Supreme Court Judge issued a landmark ruling that “a woman” is defined as “an adult human female”, onlookers could not help but notice that the judge looked suspiciously like Matt Walsh in a powdered wig.
Though no one could be sure, several British citizens in attendance stated that the justice’s gruff demeanor, full beard, and awful British accent were all reminiscent of a certain Matt Walsh.
“There’s something suspicious about that judge,” said local man Robert Adamson. “I’m sure it’s not, but he really looks like that Matt Walsh bloke, just wearing a powdered wig. He’s so clever with his disguises, you just can’t tell.”
Known to the court as “Lord Beardface”, the presiding judge had repeatedly asked the legal counsel for each side “What is a woman?” throughout the proceedings. Court reporters stated that Lord Beardface appeared unimpressed with all of the answers given and spent most of the time grumbling about the poor quality of the coffee and snacks provided by the court. The judge did, however, take a liking to the court bailiff, seemingly because the bailiff was a mute.
At publishing time, the Lord Beardface had suddenly disappeared from the United Kingdom, leaving only his powdered wig as evidence of his existence.
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