WASHINGTON, D.C. — An anonymous source has just revealed to The Babylon Bee that the Washington Post‘s journalists all still wet their beds and wear Paw Patrol pajamas, which are for dumb little babies.
According to the unnamed source, every last one of the WaPo staff writers also frequently sucks on their thumbs and sleeps with night lights because they are afraid of the dark.
“They’re all a bunch of wimpy little losers,” the high-ranking, trustworthy source said. “All of them still ride their bikes with training wheels. They play all of their video games on ‘easy’ mode. And I have it on good authority that they all think Attack of the Clones was the best Star Wars movie. This is bombshell stuff if it ever got out to the public.”
Unnamed sources, a staple of journalistic integrity, remain above reproach, and the information they provide should be taken as fact and not questioned in any way. “The WaPo reporters are big doo-doo heads,” the source continued. “They also eat their boogers.”
At publishing time, other anonymous sources had informed us that the entire WaPo smells like stinky old toots because the editors there fart so often, and also that their flies are down right now.
Heartwarming!
