CHAPEL HILL, NC — The Tar Heels athletic department was on the brink of pulling off a huge coup this week, as legendary NFL coach Bill Belichick reportedly agreed to take the University of North Carolina head coaching position on the condition that he can live in his girlfriend’s dorm.
The coach who led the New England Patriots to six Super Bowl championships had been in discussions with UNC leadership about the possibility of taking over the school’s football program, with the only remaining detail left to be ironed out having to do with whether he would be allowed to share his girlfriend’s dorm room.
“We’re working on accommodating Coach Belichick and the young woman we mistakenly thought was his grand-daughter,” said UNC Athletic Director Bubba Cunningham. “We are more than willing to do whatever it takes to bring in such a legendary football coach. If that means granting his girlfriend a full-ride scholarship and allowing them to live together in her dorm, then so be it. We are also prepared to offer her cotton candy, roller skates, and anything else a young lady her age might want.”
At publishing time, UNC officials had reportedly sweetened the deal by informing Belichick that he and his girlfriend could both eat near campus for low prices by combining her student discount with an early bird senior citizen meal.
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