GREENVILLE, SC — The morning worship service at Redeemer Church of Greenville grinded on into hour number eight after the guitarist’s delay pedal became hopelessly stuck.
Initially, the congregation was unaware of the issue as the worship band was playing “Oceans”, which the worship leader habitually stretched into fifteen minutes, sometimes more.
“I thought we were just really going all in on ‘Oceans’,” explained parishioner Daniel Stack. “That song always feels interminable. When we hit chorus number seventeen though, I started to suspect something was amiss. Three hours in, one of the backup singers just fell over. It’s a worship service of attrition.”
Despite the praise team’s best efforts, the delay pedal was a lost cause. “I just can’t stop holding this ‘C’, bro,” said guitarist Kevin Donaldson, trying to alert the rest of the team. “Nothing to be done but hit that chorus again.”
At publishing time, desperate congregants had begun searching for the church’s breaker box as the service had reached hour number twelve.
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