LOS ANGELES, CA — Local loser Melvin Thompson, who apparently has no desire to own a billion-dollar mega yacht, declared crypto “stupid” earlier this week.
Thompson told a friend he thought the idea of blockchain currency was dumb and that people who invest in it are stupid idiots. Sources confirmed he made the comments while not riding aboard a giant yacht in the Caribbean.
“I think these crypto bros are so stupid and just wasting their dollars on theoretical nonsense,” Thomson said. “I mean, who wants to have to deal with the headache of having a billion dollars in the bank? That sounds exhausting. No sir, I’m not going to dump my money into one of the highest returns on investments my generation has seen. I’m a smartie.”
Thompson made the comments after news surfaced this week that the digital currency Bitcoin reached over $100,000. Many who invested in the crypto’s early days have made millions in appreciation. Thompson made sure his friends knew he’d never be caught dead investing in something so volatile and high-yield as ‘magical internet money.’
“I’m not a rube,” Thomson said, while not sailing around the globe in a billion-dollar mega yacht. “I invest all my money in penny stocks and Google. That’s the sensible, cool thing to do.”
At publishing time, Thompson said he also was glad he sold all that Apple stock in 1995 and bought that awesome Geo Metro.
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