LOS ANGELOS, CA — As the wildfires in California intensify, Democrat politicians across the state have shifted into lockdown mode to protect the state’s strategic reserves of prefilled Kamala Harris ballots.
According to Governor Gavin Newsom, the fires could present an existential threat to election security in California if they get to close to the stacks of already filled-out Kamala Harris election ballots.
“Let’s go, go, go!” Newsom shouted as teams of Democrat staffers sweated to move the precious bankers’ boxes of Kamala Harris ballots out of fireproof security trucks and into strategic vaults. “We can’t let any of these burn — the election’s going to be close enough already and we can’t risk any slip-ups here! Move that stack, Gayle! Hurry up!”
Unfortunately, Newsom has been so preoccupied with the pressing concerns of making sure the election remains as safe and secure as a Moderna vaccine that he has entirely neglected to make sure that native Californians are evacuated from the line of danger.
“Honestly, we’re really just worried about the ballots at this point,” Newsom said, wiping ash off his forehead. “If we lose a few voters to fires right now, they’ll still be eligible come November anyway, so it’s no big deal.”
At publishing time, California Democrats had also started to worry that the California wildfires would burn out before they could start hyperventilating over how the environment was going to be ruined.
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