WASHINGTON, D.C. — In what some political analysts described as a sign of desperation as the presidential election draws near, Democrats summoned the best bounty hunters in the galaxy to hunt down Donald Trump.
Sources said after previous attempts to take out Trump had failed, prominent Democrats held a top-secret meeting in the nation’s capital last week and agreed to send word to the farthest reaches of the galaxy to bring in professionals.
“It’s time to bring in the big guns,” Senator Chuck Schumer said in a Capitol Hill press conference announcing the bounty hunters’ arrival. “We haven’t gotten the results we wanted, but we determined that we were relying on amateurs. These bounty hunters standing here with me are the very best the galaxy has to offer. It’s time to deal with this Donald Trump problem once and for all.”
Schumer was joined by several infamous and feared bounty hunters, including Boba Fett, Bossk, Dengar, Zuckuss, 4-LOM, and IG-88. Early reports indicated that each bounty hunter would be provided with full insider information regarding Donald Trump’s whereabouts and itinerary, which was standard procedure employed with the previous would-be assassins.
“This will be an easy job,” Fett said in a brief comment. “I’m used to hunting down opponents of evil empires. I’ll take care of Trump and be back at Mos Eisley by dinner.”
“You are free to use any methods necessary,” Schumer explained. “We don’t even need him alive, so disintegrations are totally fine.”
At publishing time, Fett was overheard asking reporters if there were any carbon-freezing facilities near Mar-a-Lago.
BIG NEWS: We made a movie, and you can watch the trailer NOW:
Click here to find out how you can watch the movie when it releases on October 11
