NEWARK, NJ — A pressing mystery that had puzzled government officials and the general public alike was solved today, as the mysterious drones seen buzzing through New Jersey skies were revealed to be Iranian after closer inspection.
Despite conspiracy theorists claiming that the unidentified objects hovering along the coast could be extraterrestrial craft, officials obtained high-resolution images of the drones that showed them to be outfitted with turbans, thick beards, machetes, bombs, and “Death to Israel” signs, proving them to be of Iranian origin.
“This is clear evidence that these drones came from Iran,” said New Jersey Governor Phil Murphy. “There were many different theories flying around about where these craft were coming from, but once we got an up-close look, there was no mistaking it. The beards, the turbans, the threats to Israel… each one of them is like a mini, hovering Ayatollah.”
When asked for comment on the controversy, a statement from the Iranian government denied that the country had any involvement. “This is a slanderous accusation,” said spokespersian Farhad Azimi. “Simply because a drone has a traditional Islamic beard, a fine turban, and promotes the destruction of Israel and America the Great Satan doesn’t necessarily mean it was sent by us. This is purely circumstantial evidence. Thank you and death to America.”
At publishing time, authorities revealed additional evidence of the drones belonging to Iran had come to light due to all the drones turning to face Mecca at prayer time.
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