PLANO, TX — It was a rough day for Jaxon Creed when he decided to login to Facebook and was instantly reminded by the Memories feature of his totally embarrassing phase of being a stupid libertarian.
“It’s been a while since I’ve logged in to Facebook, I wonder what my friends are up to,” mused Jaxon as he signed on. “Huh. 13 years ago? What could this be?”
Instead of a chronological listing of his friend’s recent posts, Facebook’s algorithm decided that what Jaxon really wanted to see was all the edgy commentary and awkward philosophical screeds he shared in his past days of being an uncompromising libertarian firebrand.
“Oh man, all these images of me holding up protest signs for legalizing sex work and pot are still on here? Ugh. So Cringe.”
According to sources, Jaxon was flooded by an entire wall of his political rants where he called for the legalization of machine guns and heroin for children, dismantling the U.S. Military, and the abolishment of all police and civil authorities not fitting into the pure logic of an anarcho-capitalist society.
“Welp, I guess I’ll just die now,” Jaxon said as he shrank back from his screen. “But it was cute and clever how the Ron Paul rEVOLution sign spelled LOVE backwards I guess.”
At publishing time, Jaxon was trying to tell himself that, just like 13 years ago, no one was reading his political posts anyway.
Meet Devyn. The 16-year-old Chick-fil-A worker who has replaced the entire government.
