U.S. — Following the news that the CEO of Polymarket had his phone and electronics seized by government officials, reports indicated that the Federal Bureau of Investigation was also preparing to raid the homes of all 75,000,000 people in the country who conspired to elect Donald Trump.
Sources within the FBI confirmed that everyone who voted for Trump had been designated as an enemy of the United States government, making them immediate targets to have their homes raided and possessions seized in an effort to bring them to justice.
“It’s time for these people to pay for their crimes,” said FBI Director Christopher Wray in a brief statement regarding the raids. “We have spent several years surveilling these dangerous people and warning the public about them. Now they’ve struck a devastating blow to our country by electing Trump. We’re going to take swift action to deal with them.”
FBI insiders suggested that the Justice Department was already in the process of preparing tens of millions of federal indictments against the perpetrators to charge them with conspiring to interfere with the interference in an election. “There were just way too many people who voted for Trump,” said one FBI source involved in the investigation. “We can’t let these vicious criminals roam the streets. They’re already making life difficult for the illegal migrant population. It’s time to hold them accountable for choosing a leader we don’t want.”
At publishing time, Wray had requested that the Justice Department retroactively declare all Trump supporters convicted felons, making them ineligible to vote and nullifying the 2024 election.
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