LITTLE ROCK, AR — Local dad Matt Carver has found his commitment to doing “Dry January” severely tested by a game of Candy Land with his three-year-old daughter Kaitlyn.
After thrice nearly reaching King Kandy, only to be sent backwards due to an ill-timed peppermint, Carver’s dedication to an alcohol-free month began to waver.
“If I have to go through Peanut Acres one more time, so help me, I’m opening the bottle,” said Carver. ” I did not imagine there could be such pain as I am currently enduring. Another backwards fall past Lord Licorice? Just waterboard me already. I defy anyone to make it through one round of this while fully sober.”
According to witnesses, Carver nearly caved after a mishap passing Gramma Nutt, but summoned the will to put down the bottle. “Hope came back to his eyes when Kaitlyn got a peanut card. There was light at the end of the proverbial Lollipop Forest,” said Carver’s wife Misty. “It was not to be… doomed by an ice cream cone. I think Matt’s about to crack.”
At publishing time, Carver’s month of sobriety had been narrowly saved by his stacking the deck while Kaitlyn took a potty break.
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