BERUIT — Following the death of their leader Hassan Nasrallah, members of the militant group Hezbollah asked the U.S. for advice on how to govern with a dead leader.
“Following the demise of our great ruler Nasrallah at the hands of those Israeli pigs, we here at Hezbollah need to know how to run our organization with a dead leader,” Omar Ibadi told the press. “We have reached out to leaders in the United States to ask how they can govern their own people with a dead president still in office.”
U.S. officials say Ibadi has been sending texts to high-ranking members of President Biden’s cabinet for guidance on how to run a large organization of people and govern many different groups even while the leader is deceased.
“It’s a unique problem,” Senior Whitehouse staffer George Corinado commented. “We’ve been managing for almost four years now but it does come with some specific problems. These guys are resourceful though, they’ll figure it out.”
As of publishing time, Hezbollah announced they would be asking the U.S. to send over Congresswoman Rashida Tlaib to replace Nasrallah due to her extensive experience running Hezbollah in America.
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