HOLLYWOOD, CA — Movie production has officially ceased, ending the dreams of aspiring actors and screenwriters everywhere, as all Hollywood studios collectively agreed that they would never be able to top 1977’s Smokey and the Bandit.
“What were we thinking by even trying to make movies after that?” asked producer Jerry Bruckheimer, best known for his work on the Pirates of the Caribbean films. “We’ve all just been chasing that high we felt since we saw the Bandit jump Mulberry Bridge in that Trans Am. Every movie made since has been garbage.”
According to film scholars, Smokey and the Bandit, which starred Burt Reynolds, Sally Field, and Jackie Gleason as Sheriff Buford T. Justice, perfectly highlighted the rebellious nature of American perseverance against tyranny.
“Cinema is dead,” producer Brian Grace, known for his work on Oscar winning films A Beautiful Mind and Apollo 13. “It’s been a rotting corpse since 1977. Why do we even keep trying?”
The move to end all cinema as we know it was reportedly inspired by comments from master filmmaker Steven Spielberg in an interview with Variety.
SPIELBERG: Every film I make lives under the shadow of Smokey and the Bandit.
INTERVIEWER: Even Schindler’s List?
SPIELBERG: Especially Schindler’s List. You know, I originally wanted Burt Reynolds for the role of Oskar Schindler, but he turned it down. And why shouldn’t he? No other role matches the gravitas of the Bandit.
At the time of its release, Smokey and the Bandit was a box-office smash, bringing in $126 million on a budget of $4 million, singlehandedly popularizing the road movie genre and turning the Pontiac Trans Am into a star. The late Orson Welles once reflected that it was the Citizen Kane of movies.
At publishing time, Universal Pictures announced that a 4K digital remaster of Smokey and the Bandit would be its final film project before setting fire to its own studio.
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