TOLEDO, OH — Local man Jacob Nicholson repeatedly declared his love for pumpkin pie today while covering a 12-inch pie with an entire gallon of Reddi-Whip.
According to friends and family of the 66-year-old pumpkin pie connoisseur, Jacob has been stockpiling cans of Reddi-Whip for months in anticipation of this day.
“I kept him in check for a while,” said Carol Nicholson, Jacob’s wife. “But I figure that he’s old enough to make his own decisions now. He always asks me to bake him pumpkin pies — but there was that one time that I made him some but forgot the Reddi-Whip… we don’t talk about that Thanksgiving.”
Jacob has also expressed his deep and abiding love for sweet potato crunch, which he covers in at least three inches of brown sugar and melted marshmallows. His other favorite Thanksgiving dish includes green beans, which he covers in several quarts of cream of mushroom soup and an avalanche of fried onions.
At publishing time, Jacob had declared cranberry sauce “disgusting” despite covering it in two dozen cups of sugar.
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