WASHINGTON, D.C. — Faced with the threat of their total annihilation, the Islamic Republic of Iran reportedly contacted the White House on Thursday to ask if they could “please have Joe Biden back.”
White House officials confirmed that Mojtaba Khamenei, the new Supreme Leader of Iran, dialed the White House switchboard demanding to speak to whoever was in charge of picking the president so he could see about getting Joe Biden back in the Oval Office.
“He is, uh, a great leader. We will listen to him,” Khamenei reportedly said of the former president. “You put him back in charge, and we promise to end our nuclear program. For real, this time.”
According to sources, Khamenei spent several hours on hold waiting to talk to the president before he was finally laughed off the line by Vice President JD Vance. “Is this Tucker? Hilarious impersonation, man, but I told you to stop calling here,” Vance reportedly said.
Iranian officials also contacted members of the American press, sources confirmed, presumably because they couldn’t get a hold of Trump to ask him to please step down and appoint Biden as his successor. CNN was reportedly receptive to the new supreme leader’s call and put him on air with Anderson Cooper.
“Hi, thanks for taking my call, Anderson. Long time fan,” Khamenei said while on air. “As I was saying, we just really want to get Joe Biden back. Can you make that happen? He was a great Iranian hero.”
At publishing time, unable to get Joe Biden back, Supreme Leader Mojtaba Khamenei was forced to admit he exhausted the remaining breadth of his military strategy.
Governor Gavin Newsom understands the struggle!
